Trying Life On: The Freedom to Create a Life I Love

No Regrets

The above quote is the top regret shared with author Bronnie Ware when she spoke with people approaching the end of life for her book, “The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying”. These words have stuck with me as I work on designing a life I love. I am determined that I won’t share in that regret; I will live a life true to myself. First, I have to figure out what that might mean to me. Then, the fun can begin as I embrace "trying life on" and work to create a life I love.

For years, I believed I was settled—or maybe stuck—in the job I had thought I was meant to do. When I realised teaching was no longer for me, it shook my sense of certainty, but it also opened the door to new possibilities. By proxy, this meant acknowledging that a steady job and regular salary were also not going to be for me. All the realisations I had about my old job made me reassess what I wanted in life. I realised that in this one short life, I needed to try a different way. The more I pondered what I wanted (and didn’t want), it became apparent that I was going to have to be prepared to take some risks. I’ve always been completely risk averse but sometimes desperation to escape what we don’t want can drive us in unpredictable directions. 

What Next?

When I decided that my teaching career was over, I was left pondering what I should be doing. There was a period of desperately clutching at various ideas that seemed like they could lead to prospective new careers. Like many teachers, I felt like a one trick pony, and was scared that I was not qualified for anything else. Of course, I turned to my podcasts for guidance. My podcast pals suggested to me that I shouldn’t rush into anything, I should let myself sit in the lull while I considered what I might like to do.

One podcast in particular, Try Life On, educated me on the possibility of (as the title suggests) Trying Life On. Life - not a job. A job could be part of my life but I’ve learned that I need to explore what else can constitute a full and satisfying life for me. Trying Life On isn’t something I had given any thought to until recent years; I didn’t even really know it was a possibility. This podcast encouraged me to visualise how I want my life to look. And now I can’t stop!

Reflections

In the old days, before I bought clothes online, I would always try an item on before deciding whether I really wanted it. Now I’m doing the same with elements of life. The host of Try Life On podcast, Maurice Philogene, advocates trying out different careers, experiences and lifestyles. The one word that kept ringing in my ears after listening to this podcast was “freedom”.  As I consider the kind of life I want, I have become increasingly resolute in the feeling that I can’t allow society to dictate how I live. Maurice talks passionately about having the freedom to pursue our own definition of success. I’ve learned the hard way that settling for the status quo if it’s not right for us can be detrimental to our health. Equally, for those who are happy with the status quo, I’m happy for you. I’ve spent a lot of time considering what a rich life means to me and I believe it’s important that each and every one of us is free to seek our own definition of a rich or successful life.

If my prospective lifestyles were clothes being tried on in a shop, I’d have my reflection in a mirror to help me decide whether they suited me. When it’s life, however, that I’m trying, I have to rely on self reflection to keep me right in my decision making. With each new direction that I explore, I learn something about myself and what I’m striving for.

Just as someone in a department store full of possibilities may be tempted to try on a garment they would have never considered previously, I’m finding myself living a life the younger me would have baulked at - a life with no 5 year plan! Sometimes I still can’t believe how comfortable I am with my lack of plan. While I always thought that having plans brought security, I now see that it also brought some stress and pressure as I was constantly trying to meet my own goals. 

Trying LIfe On

I guess my blog is an example of me trying life on - can I be a blogger? Or a writer? There are things that I’ve always felt I would love to try in my lifetime. Things I thought would never be possible for me but now just might be. It might be the start of something amazing. Or it might come to nothing. There’s only one way to find out! So just now, as well as being a mum and wife (they definitely fit - I’m keeping those roles), I’m trying out a different lifestyle.

 Influenced by my brother, I had a stab at learning to code. I had read about how this profession being keen to attract females and had heard of other teachers who had made the move from teaching to coding. I learned two things from my brief dalliance with the world of coding: Firstly, coding was not for me. The pretty colours were very nice to look at but as for the content - Not. A. Clue. The second thing I learned was that I loved learning again. At this point I just wasn’t learning about the right subject for me but I delved into some coding courses just enough to be reminded of the buzz that I can get from taking in new information, particularly if I can apply it to improving life for me and my family. I’m glad that I explored coding because I think understanding what we don’t want is an important part of the quest to find the right direction.

One thing I know I do want in my life is travel. I never thought that I would be brave enough to travel on my own. It’s early days but I’m branching out and realising that I’m actually quite capable of navigating airports, foreign cities and languages. Sitting in the bustling departure lounge of an Italian airport on my own genuinely did feel like trying on a different life - a life I like and intend to explore further when the time is right for us as a family.

Some days I play at being one of those people who sits and writes in a coffee shop - how trendy of me! And I really do feel like I’m playing at it which sometimes makes me feel a bit silly. But after all those years teaching early years, I’m a passionate believer in the importance of play. Children explore life through play and this is actively encouraged by parents and educators. Most of us smile when we see a little one pretending to be a firefighter. So why should we stop playing at being something just because we’re “grown up”? 

Throwing Away The Plan

I suspect for readers who, as I used to, prefer the reassurance of plans and security, my lack of plan must sound a tad scary - if not unwise! A few years ago I think I would have been terrified if I’d known I would no longer have the security of a permanent contract and monthly salary. But, strange as it may sound, I was fortunate enough to not have a choice. That has meant that I never had to face the fear of deciding whether to jump. I recently heard Miranda Hart speak on a podcast about making changes and letting go and she explained that fear comes when we have a choice. I just had to jump and do all that I could to make the jump a success.

I used to believe that control equalled security. If I could plan my career, my family’s future, and my day-to-day life meticulously, I’d feel safe. But I’ve come to understand that control is mostly an illusion. Our family life taking a turn we had not expected has taught me that planning doesn’t mean that what we plan will actually happen. I could plan for the future as much as I like but I’ve learned that even the best made plans can derail. 

I’m more comfortable now with the idea of living life one chapter at a time, knowing I can adapt to whatever comes next. The curveballs life has thrown my way have led to new perspectives, opportunities for growth and increased freedom in a way I would never have anticipated.

OK For Now?

So having accepted that too much planning seems futile, why not take this chance to try life on in various forms? Embrace the uncertainty and explore new possibilities? I know now that I’m not alone in seeking a life that is true to myself. There seems to be an increasing number of books and podcasts exploring this approach to life. And I’m fortunate to have found my own little tribe of fellow Try Life On-ers.

Attending university open days with my daughter reminded me of the infinity of options for different careers and lifestyles there are available to us. I spent over two decades living one life and now I’m embracing this unexpected chance to try on different lives. I’m not a cat with 9 lives but I reckon I can have a go at fitting elements of different lifestyles into my one life. What a life that would be!

If you’d asked a 10 year old me what I wanted to be I would have stated that I wanted to be a teacher but ask me now and I’ll give you a list! I want to be a stay at home mum, a wife, a blogger, a writer, a student, an educator and a traveller. And do you know what? I’m determined that I’m going to at least try each of these things. As we go, my little tribe and I continually ask each other “Are we OK for now?"and we keep going.  If things are not OK then I’ll course correct and set sail on my next adventure.

I’d love to hear about what you have done or would like to do to Try Life On and live a life true to yourself. Tell me in the comments below!

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