The Freedom of the Frugal: How Frugality Is Enabling Me To Live My Best Life

I've never particularly liked the word "frugal", it has always struck me as harsh and unappealing - ugly. In fact it even sounds a bit like the word "fugly". For some reason it conjured up an image of dirty, holey gloves! I do, however, like the concept - now that I understand what it really means, how it can empower me and enable me to live a life I love. I know it used to be considered a bit uncouth to talk about money. For some people maybe it still is but like it or not, money plays a significant role in dictating our lifestyle. 

Although we have less money now than when I had a job, we've exchanged it for time and freedom—probably the best trade-off I’ve ever made. That time and freedom has a hugely positive impact on my mental health, my ability to support my family and our quality of life. Learning to live frugally has been a key component of making this change possible.

Previously, the notion of frugal living had connotations of living in a sparse home, eating beans and wearing old clothes. Feeling trapped. Now though, frugality feels almost like my friend; a knight in shining armour who has galloped in to help me to learn how to use money, reduced as it may be, as a tool to help me and my family live a life we love. And far from feeling trapped, I now feel less trapped than I have in years. Of course when funds are limited, it can be hard to feel that we have real financial freedom. But learning to be frugal has brought me increased freedom and control and they are two things I desperately want in my life.

Frugal living for me means being intentional with spending. It has become part of daily life whether I'm thinking about feeding the family, keeping an eye on daily energy use or planning my social life. I see it not as deprivation but making decisions aligned with what truly matters to us in life. If you’ve read my earlier posts, you’ll know that I’m dedicated to creating a life I love and my vision board helps to guide me in so many of my financial decisions. If somethings is not on my vision board, I have to think really carefully about whether I should be spending money on it.

Yes, there are wonderful things in life that don’t cost money. Fortunately I get a lot of pleasure from doing things that don’t involve spending. Regular dopamine hits come from walks with Toby dug or with some of my favourite humans.  But there’s no escaping the cold hard fact that we need money to live. For many of us mortgage or rent payments, groceries and bills guzzle up a substantial percentage of our income. Unless you’re one of the few who have enough money to not have to think about it you will have found yourself in the same boat as me, working out what I can or can’t and will or won’t spend money on. It’s generally dictated by the figure on the bank balance once all the essentials have been paid for. Sometimes that figure isn’t quite as high as I might like but that’s ok. Although for now I don’t have a great deal of control over what the bank balance is, I do have the ability to control how it is used.

When I started to plan my exit from teaching one of the first things I had to do was work out our bottom line; how much money we actually need to maintain a standard of living the whole family is comfortable with. This meant looking at everything we spend money on and considering whether some outgoings could be cut or reduced. If we didn't need it or love it, it was cut. What stood out for me in this exercise was that the less money we needed, the more freedom we could have.

If someone had mentioned frugality to me a few years ago I would have found it interesting but I would never have thought that it could be a part of the life I aspired to, a life with travelling and socialising. Now though, I’m learning that living frugally is how I can have that life. It is possible to save money without sacrificing the things I love. Every time I board a plane for one of my trips, I have to pinch myself. I never would have imagined that I could have these trips despite giving up work. I suppose that’s the crux of it - the reason I’m giving up some things as part of frugal living is that I have also been able to give up something I didn’t love. While I once exchanged my time for money, instead I now exchange the stuff I used to be able to buy for my time. And as I’ve said before, time is the most precious thing.

I think it’s so important to strike a balance. There are some things that it’s just nice to have, things that enhance life and make us happy. I don’t think many people would relish the thought of a life completely devoid of thrills and treats. My version of frugal living is not about a ban on spending.

“Frugality, quite simply, is about choosing the things you love enough to spend extravagantly on—and then cutting costs mercilessly on the things you don't love.” Ramit Sethi.

I’ve taken this quote to heart and am doing my best to live by it. It’s become almost a game - a challenge to myself to avoid wasteful spending but also permission to go ahead and spend on the things that I love. Knowing that I'm saving money for something special makes it a lot easier to avoid throwing money away on less important things. So I know that if I avoid the expense of a meal out that’s extra cash I can add to my Travel fund. I see it as making a choice rather than depriving myself, occasional extravagance as opposed to constant frittering. Now when I do treat myself, it actually does feel like a real treat. Things like take aways, expensive shower gels or meals out still happen but less often and the reduced frequency makes them all the more special. While I try to avoid wasting money on mediocre meals, I still love indulging in nice restaurants with my friends. And James and I are quite content to make do with picnics on the majority of our date days so that we can have an occasional splurge on a fine dining experience. My other favourite extravagance is paying a bit extra on my plane fare to be able to gaze out of the window. Basically, being careful most of the time enables guilt free extravagance some of the time.

As I explained in my blog about creating my Rich Life living frugally/managing money/budgeting or whatever term you want to give it, requires some time commitment. I don’t just rock up at the supermarket and chuck whatever takes my fancy into the trolley. Before setting off I have all our meals planned and a shopping list prepared so that I know I’m only buying what we actually need and the total at the till will be within our monthly food budget. And if I’m honest, the supermarket I use most probably wouldn’t be my first choice of shopping experience. I’m happy to shop this way though because I feel it’s freeing up money for other things. Even in the world of food, the philosophy of frugality as described by Ramit Sethi comes into play: I’m more than happy to save money by swapping to cheaper brands BUT Ketchup is my non-negotiable - only Heinz will ever be accepted in our house! I'm sure we all have our favourites that just can't be substituted and being frugal doesn't have to mean giving these things up.

My granny always used to say “Buy cheap, buy twice” and this rings in my ears when making decisions about purchases whether it’s clothes, cars or items for the house. In my endeavours to be frugal, I also need to be mindful of not being shortsighted (or maybe even scared) when it comes to spending. As someone who has a debate with herself about whether or not she should buy a hot chocolate or a new top, imagine the deliberations over a recent garden furniture purchase! In the end, granny’s words helped me to make the decision and we splashed out on a good quality dining set because we felt it would enhance our garden time for years to come. (We just forgot to make arrangements with the Scottish weather!)

Around the house, I’m learning to give old furniture a new lease of life by refurbishing rather than replacing. I was recently able to add a new chair to the living room by spending £12 on fabric to re-cover an old chair that my mum was getting rid of. Some free wallpaper samples allowed me to give my granny’s old side table a make over. If we had had the money to buy new furniture it probably wouldn’t have occurred to me to re-use these items but now I’m so happy that I have. I know that they are completely unique as well as being special because of where they came from.

The younger me loved nothing more than a good old shopping spree but these days coveting new clothes has been replaced by daydreams about the trips I want to take and this is reflected in my Savings Pots in my banking app. I buy clothes when I need to and try to avoid cheap, fast fashion partly for ethical reasons in addition to the fact that if I’m going to spend money on an item, I want it to last. Granny would be proud! I'm finding buying and selling on Vinted the perfect way to wear good quality without diverting too much money away from the things I want to save for.

In terms of using frugality as a method of growing future financial security, once again, I think balance is crucial. While investing in our future is important to me, I'm very conscious of not sacrificing our ability to enjoy life just now.

One of my biggest hopes about how I'm trying to live now is that our children will see that they too can be in charge of the kind of life they want. It makes me really proud to see my kids practice intentional spending, able to make decisions based not on FOMO or peer pressure but on what actually matters to them. I was recently super impressed by Vaila opting not to go with friends to see a band she quite likes because she would rather have the money ready for when one of her favourite artists announce their next tour.

Alongside learning about frugal ways, I’ve also adopted a host of budgeting and money saving strategies which help me to get the most out of my money. They have become a way of life for me and I’m looking forward to sharing more about them in future posts. What I hope readers will take from this piece is that frugality isn’t a nasty word, something to be scared or ashamed of. On the contrary, it’s given me a level of freedom and control and a lifestyle I previously thought was out of reach for someone like me. By sharing some of my experience, I hope that I can convince some others that there are ways to feel more in control when it comes to spending and in turn, your life. I’d love to hear your thoughts or tips on frugal living, please comment below or on my Facebook page.

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