Hello Darkness, My Old Friend
While some folk look forward to embracing a winter of cosy nights, it fills me with dread as I think back to previous years. Months of waking up to darkness, driving to and from work in the dark and walking Toby dog in the dark. I hated it. I felt trapped by it. As the darkness descended it seemed like there was no escape from my worries. It might sound silly but at times I actually felt as though I was trapped in a box as soon as nighttime fell. I wouldn't say I'm scared of the dark. I am, however, scared of the horrible way it can make me feel.
For a few years, strangely, as soon as it had passed and we headed into spring I forgot about the feelings of anxiety I had experienced through the winter. But the following winter, it would sneak up on me again. Once I realised the extent to which the winter months affected me, I began to wait for them with trepidation, knowing that the dark curtain was soon going to drop. But there seemed little I could do. I have no control over the seasons; they will come and go as they always have and always will.
So many aspects of everyday life just feel harder in the dark; getting out of bed, exercising outside, even driving. It always takes me a while to adjust to driving in the dark after summer and this year I feel especially apprehensive about it given that I’m still getting used to driving again after a long break.
I know I’m not alone in succumbing to these seasonal symptoms. It is believed that 1-2% of the UK population experiences Seasonal Affective Disorder, often known as SAD. It is a form of depression that occurs as the seasons change, particularly during the darker, colder months. More than just the “winter blues”, SAD can significantly affect energy, mood, and well-being. The UK is thought to have higher prevalence than other countries thanks to our long, dark winters. Let's face it; in Scotland some days it can be so grey all day that it feels like there has been next to no daylight. For me, this manifests as a rising sense of anxiety that feels like the dark is closing in around me.
I really thought I might get away with it this year having made some significant improvements to my life. But already I can feel the dark descending on me. Every year, around this time, I begin to feel uneasy. My (already pretty high) anxiety levels start to rise and I feel like I’m about to be trapped. I haven’t been formally diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder but I have certainly been an unwilling recipient of some of the associated symptoms, often leading to increased anxiety through the winter months. For some, the symptoms can be severe enough to require professional help so I consider myself fortunate to be one of those who experience milder symptoms.
Nevertheless, I’ve had enough of dreading the onset of winter. Recognising the link between my rising anxiety and the onset of winter has been a turning point. Instead of just waiting for it to pass, I’ve realised that I can take back some control by preparing for it. This year I’m committed to developing strategies to help me keep the winter anxiety at bay.
Professional Treatments for SAD
While I’m managing to implement strategies to help me get through the winter months, it’s important to remember that for some people, SAD can be much more intense and debilitating. For these sufferers seeking professional help and exploring treatments could be a vital next step. A well known therapy for SAD is light therapy, a treatment which mimics natural sunlight to regulate the body’s production of melatonin and serotonin which play key roles in mood regulation.
Cognitive behavioural therapy can be explored with a professional to help people identify and change negative thought patterns related to the season. Further treatment options include medication and vitamin D supplementation as guided by a medical professional.
So as we prepare to turn the clocks back this weekend (my heart sinks a bit even just typing those words!) I'm determined that the lid will not be allowed to close on that box. A change of role means no more night shifts for James and I am no longer teaching so no Sunday (or any other night of the week) scaries about work. I feel I’m in a strong position to hold the lid of that box open even if it takes a bit of effort.
My Grand Plan!
Walks in daylight
Now that work has been eliminated from my days, I have the freedom to ensure that at least one of my walks each day takes place during daylight. A daily fix of natural daylight combined with exercise in the morning sets me up well for the day, boosting serotonin levels and lifting my mood. I’m lucky enough to have a daft dog to make me smile as I walk.
Recently, I've been enjoying early morning walks and being outside to see the stunning colours as the sun rises and the darkness lifts is as uplifting as the darkness falling is suffocating.
On my night time walks I'm trying to focus on the glimmers of light provided by street lamps and passing cars.
My Trusty Podcast Pals
As we progress further into the winter it’ll be dark by 4pm. Toby Dog cannot be expected to cross his legs from 4pm until the following morning; he needs an evening walk so there is no avoiding one walk in darkness. My plan to make it feel easier to leave the house on these dark nights is to have company in the form of my podcasts. When I know I have an interesting podcast waiting to be listened to it’s much easier to open the door and step outside. It also gives me distraction from any unwelcome rumination while I’m walking. These podcasts also help me to get out the door on the days when even daylight hours are dull and gloomy.
Making plans with family & friends
Tempting as hibernation is, I won’t succumb. I have lovely friends whom I will continue to make plans with throughout winter. Having dates in the diary for meals, walks or concerts is a bit like having a light on a dark street. They break up the winter months and help me to fill up my cup. Throughout the year spending time with the people I love is one of the best mood boosters. During the winter it can take a bit more effort to want to go out but it’s always worth it.
Cosy House
I’m thinking this will be my secret weapon. There is literally nothing I can do to stop the darkness. So I’m going to embrace it. This last couple of weeks I’ve been on a mission to prepare the house. Room by room, candle by candle, I’m turning it into a little sanctuary where I will enjoy being safe and cosy with my family.
It’s well known that our environment can make a significant contribution to our mental health so I’m working hard on our home to make it feel nurturing and relaxing for all of us. This is where social media comes into its own. There is no shortage of beautiful home accounts to give inspiration when trying to enhance our own homes. By surrounding myself with warmth and light, I’m taking control of my environment to combat the external gloom. It’s easy to understand why the Scandinavian practice of Hygge (creating warmth and contentment) has become internationally popular and so far James hasn’t complained about the new candles and blankets I’ve been introducing to the house…
Relaxation
This is the area I’ll have to work really hard to master. All the research and literature assures me that making time to relax will stand me in good stead for warding off symptoms of SAD. It’s something I know I should be doing all year round, I’m just not good at making time for it. However, I have been making an effort to take ten minutes on a Sunday evening to do a facemask, lie on my bed, close my eyes and listen to my “Relax” playlist, the same tracks I’ve used since my pregnancies.
Christmas
I’m sorry, I know it’s really too soon to mention it but it does help me and is going to be part of my coping strategy once again this year. Despite not being a fan of the winter nights, Christmas is one of my favourite times of year. It’s full of anticipation, nostalgia, planning (I do LOVE planning!), familiar movies and songs and precious family time. There’s also the joy I get from decorating our house and marvelling at the lights on other houses all over my home city. Thank goodness for Christmas and the light (of the twinkly variety) it brings!
January Plans
As soon as we have dispensed with the Christmas celebrations and decorations, I’m back to facing the remainder of the dark months with little to distract me. In previous years we have sometimes managed to book a holiday in the sun which has helped to break up the winter for us all. There are no such plans for the coming season but rest assured I’ll be making some exciting plans so that I have something to look forward to in January and February. I’m already browsing flights to London - my happy place for a wee pick me-up!
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It’s Not Forever
And then, the snowdrops will appear, people will begin to comment about it getting dark that little bit later in the evenings and I’ll be preparing to warmly greet the longer springtime days.
So while the dark skies are inevitable, this winter feels different. I’ve got my plan, my cosy home, and my walks with Toby. And this year, I’m ready to face the darkness head-on. I'd love to hear your methods for getting through the dark months in the comments.
If you want to find out more about Seasonal Affective Disorder, check out these links: