“Create a life you love instead of trying to survive one you can’t stand.” - Amy Porterfield
I’m well up for this! Who doesn’t want to create a life they love and ditch the stress and unhappiness of a life they’re not enjoying?
I’m pretty sure that for most of us it’s not quite as simple as getting rid of our least favourite aspects of life and living happily ever after. For a start, there are some things in life that we can’t just walk away from, however stressful they may be. In my case, part of creating a rich life for our family meant giving up my job which in turn meant giving up a salary. There are no two ways about it - less money means less choice and control over what we do with our lives. It was a pretty scary prospect. However, I’m finding that it doesn’t mean we can’t create a life we love, within whatever our personal constraints may be.
I’d known for a few years that I wasn’t completely content in life but could never quite put my finger on why? I was in my 30’s so James used to joke that I was too young for a midlife crisis - it must be a “crap life crisis”. That definitely wasn’t the case! I had everything I’d ever wanted - married to the man I love with two brilliant kids, a daft dog, a nice house and the job I’d once dreamed of. I understand now that our goals often do change as we move through life. I think, like many people my age, I was conditioned throughout my education to go from school to university, into a career and that’s where I should stay. For many years I was content to keep treading that path, in fact it didn’t occur to me to consider alternatives, but for various reasons (which I’ll save for another post) I knew that it was time for me to veer off that path.
I couldn’t put a finger on what change I needed to make but a constant feeling that change was needed niggled away at me. Since lockdown I’ve become a devout (fanatical some might say!) follower of several podcasts. They provide a much needed distraction, educate, reassure and entertain me but I was finding them increasingly frustrating. You see, I’ve listened with interest and admiration to a whole host of individuals who have felt unhappy with life and bravely made the required alterations to improve their lives. However, not one of them had been a married, mum of two, part-time teacher living in suburbia without the funds to jack in a job which was no longer good for me and start a whole new career. The majority of these people may have been unhappy in their jobs but the fact that the job was pop star, DJ or highly successful magazine editor seemed to have given them the financial backing and connections to make their desired changes. Do I sound bitter? I don’t think I was bitter; I’m very fond of my podcast hosts (James says it’s too weird for me to call them my “podcast friends”!) and I really respect them for following their dreams and for trying to help others. I found them inspiring and motivating but at the end of each podcast was always left a bit tight chested and feeling that I could never do what they had done. How could I escape a job that made me so unhappy and find what I was meant to be doing with my life? I was literally aching for the answer.
I was so sure that at least some of the answers were going to lie in the podcasts I was listening to that I even had a special “Podcast Notebook” where I diligently took notes on the episodes I felt related to my situation. Sure enough, the first time I began to really think that a “normal” person like me actually could take at least some control, decide what would constitute a life I loved and go after it was the result of one of my podcasts. On The Diary of a CEO podcast, Ramit Sethi, author of “I Will Teach You To Be Rich,” spoke about a “Rich Life” and inspired me to think in greater detail about what a rich life actually means to me. I had already come to the conclusion that my rich life could not include being a teacher (that’s one for another post) and I started to look into possible “escape routes”.
However, life wasn’t going to wait for me to work it all out and by the time I came across this particular podcast I had been signed off work with anxiety and Jamie was only attending school for a few hours per week due to autistic burnout. I needed to be at home with him so really I have him to thank for being the catalyst for the beginning of my living otherwise. We were thrust into trying to put together a new way of living before we were actually ready for it, mentally or financially. Sometimes I think that was a good thing; no chance to back out of making the scary changes. Decisions had been taken out of our hands and our only option was to go with it. Two years ago we felt like our world had been turned upside down and we were living in crisis mode. Now I realise it was actually the most precious gift; an opportunity to pause, reflect and to live life differently in a way that suits us. So for the past couple of years I’ve been reading, listening to (hundreds of!) podcasts, exploring and doing all I can to live my rich life, starting with working out what my rich life goals are.
My rich life goals
to spend as much time as possible with the people I love
to be able to see a bit more of the world, creating experiences and memories
to have purpose
not having to feel anxious about work.
While thinking about what I want in life one particular word kept coming to mind: freedom. Over the last two years, I’ve realised how precious freedom is to me. Maurice Philogene, in his podcast Try Life On , introduced me to Five Types of Freedom:
Freedom to have meaningful relationships
Time Freedom
Geographical Freedom
Financial Freedom
Freedom to pursue purpose
I strive to achieve all these freedoms to varying degrees, although they are often interwoven or even conflict with each other. Geographical freedom matters to me, I’m not suited to being at home all the time and I have a yearning to visit other countries. However, being there for my family is even more important to me, THE most important thing, so I accept that my geographical freedom is limited (for now) by the precious freedom I have to enjoy meaningful relationships with my family. I recognise that I was only able to gain this freedom for relationships by giving up a degree of financial freedom which could also have facilitated more travelling. It sounds messy and complicated but it’s not really - I choose the freedom which matters the most to me and to my family and know that different types of freedom will increase or decrease in different stages of life.
Don't think that I'm breezing through life without having to worry about money! I’m discovering that creating a rich life takes considerable time and effort. I can't deny that sometimes I think it would be a lot easier to do with more money. Consequently , creating a rich life for me involves significant financial planning, adjustments, and maintenance. I’m fortunate to have the time freedom to do this. Another podcast (I did warn you that I really like them!), Your Money Sorted (episode 19), suggested approaching life design as you would a business. Time needs to be scheduled for planning and managing finances in order to keep my quest for my rich life on track so every single month I have a dedicated “Finance Day” and I spend several hours throughout the month keeping on top of finances. I've learned about my money mindset and have kicked off the last two years with a free "Maximise Your Money" course by Eileen Adamson , another teacher manufacturing her rich life and helping others to do the same.
Sethi, on Diary of a CEO , emphasises the importance of having a clear and detailed vision of your desired life. To help me with this I have my vision board placed prominently in my kitchen. Every day it offers me clarity and reinforces what truly matters to me. This helps me to stay focused and to ensure that, as far as possible, how I spend my time and money is aligned with my values. When time and finances are limited I think that’s really important.
My mission to live my rich life is far from stress-free; sometimes I crave things I can’t afford and some choices are easier to make than others. There are times when spending money is not a choice—the kids need new trainers, or the car needs new tyres. That’s life! In my case, the financial decisions I make don’t only affect me. It would be easy for me to forgo takeaways and treats, knowing that I’m choosing to save that money for something more important to me. However, I don’t want to enforce a life of extreme frugality on my family so ongoing compromise is required. For example, in the past when I’ve felt exhausted and didn’t want to cook, the old me (the me with a salary) would have ordered takeaway. Not anymore. It’s not on my vision board, so it’s not a priority. On my vision board is an image of a plane, reminding me that for the cost of a takeaway for four, I could buy a cheap flight to London. We will, however, plan for take away treats on special occasions so that none of us feel that we’re missing out. It’s so important to me that, while being very intentional with finances, that we still have a good quality of life. The requirements for a good quality of life will vary from person to person and family to family. So while limiting take-aways is an easy money saver for us, I know that for some families it’s a precious family treat each week. An obvious cost cutter for some would be to reduce TV packages. For us, however, TV is a huge source of comfort for our autistic son so we pay for more streaming channels than some families would choose to. It’s all about deciding what really matters to you.
Admittedly, on paper my ability to live my rich life looks somewhat restricted by finances and family needs. I may have a vision board and a clear idea of what I want to be doing with my life but my life is not just about me so there are things that I would love to do that will need to remain a pipe dream for now. However, I think life is about making the best of what you have so I'm grateful for all that I am able to do and will keep working towards building a life I love.
Ultimately, establishing your rich life is a deeply personal experience which requires self reflection, commitment and a willingness to dream big. I feel truly lucky to be able to focus on designing a life I love and in doing so have learned a great deal about myself. We only get one life so why would we settle for anything less than living it the way we want?
Finally, don't forget to give some thought to what would detract from your rich life whether that's a job that makes you miserable or people who bring you down. Where possible, remove these things from your life. I've just typed those words as though it's an easy thing to do when I know it's far, far from it. In fact, sometimes it feels impossible but I really believe that "where there's a will, there's a way". It might just not be the way you expect as was the case for me.
I hope this post has encouraged even one person to think about what a rich life means to them and how they can move closer to a life they love - even if it feels like there are barriers. For me, it did initially feel like my life had fallen apart and big changes had to happen but creating a life you love doesn’t always need to start from a dark place. It really can start with one small change. Maybe some of you are already living your rich life? I’d love to read your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
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